I DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND. I WANT A PENSION.

How women in their twenties swapped the pressure to find a man for the pressure to become extraordinary

She’s 21, graduated with a First-Class Honours in Astrophysics, founded a skincare company and travelled the world volunteering.

Meanwhile, I’m scrolling Indeed at 11pm on a Tuesday, trying to convince a minimum-wage, 9–5 job that my music degree makes me an ideal candidate for a gym receptionist position.

Bleak, I know.

When did being a woman in your twenties stop being about finding a boyfriend and start being about becoming a fully realised human being?

Now, I’m not complaining. I’m glad women in 2026 are rejecting the idea that marriage and motherhood are the ultimate goals, and building lives around their own identities instead.

But I do think the pressure hasn’t disappeared. It’s just shifted.

The old milestones are changing. The ONS’s latest figures, published in July 2026, show that the proportion of adults in England and Wales who are married or civil partnered has decreased over the past decade, while the number who have never married has risen, with some of the biggest increases among 25–34-year-olds.

Perhaps that’s because instead of telling women they need a husband, they now need a fucking five-year plan.

It’s almost as if society has said: Fine, don’t conform to traditional gender roles, but you’d better be wildly successful if you’re going to choose another path.

So instead of:

Education → job → relationship → marriage → children

It’s now:

Degree → graduate job → side hustle → personal brand → financial independence → travel → fitness → friendships → relationship → maybe children → somehow own property

And, personally, I get anxiety playing Monopoly. So the idea that I’m somehow meant to run a business, buy a house, maintain a social life, stay fit, travel the world and sustain a healthy relationship feels… slightly aspirational.

And let’s be honest.

Being your own safety net sounds empowering until you’re actually the one paying for it.

Research published by the Women’s Budget Group in 2026 found that young women in the UK are having to balance numerous jobs to secure enough income and hours to become financially independent.

The pressure to stay desirable before ageing out of the Love Island casting pool has been replaced by a new anxiety.

Economic insecurity.

And it isn’t just affecting women’s mental well-being but potentially their long-term financial security, including their pensions.

To top it off, social media has turned exceptional women into our perceived peers.

That 20-year-old bought herself a beautiful apartment in New York after becoming an influencer.

That 18-year-old took a gap year before uni to travel the world, Eat Pray Love-style.

That girl, exactly my age, has bought a house with her childhood sweetheart and started making low-sugar sweet treats exclusively from bananas and chickpeas.

Meanwhile, at 18, I could barely speak to male cashiers in Tesco. At 20, I cried because a woman spoke over the tannoy at a petrol station. And now, at the grand old age of 23, I’ve graduated with a degree apparently nobody gives a shit about, and a constant stream of rejection emails reminding me that I need more experience.

Look, I’m glad young women are making opportunities for themselves. But being bombarded with everyone else’s success on social media is a pretty effective way to turn your own life into a running list of failures.

And apparently, I’m not the only one feeling it. Girlguiding’s 2025 Girls’ Attitudes Survey found that 36% of girls and young women aged 11–21 often feel depressed after spending time on social media, while 60% of 17–21-year-olds identified social media as a factor contributing to poor mental health among girls their age.

Because when your feed is a never-ending conveyor belt of 22-year-olds launching businesses, buying houses and moving to Dubai, it’s difficult not to wonder what the fuck you’re doing wrong.

I’ll be 24 in January, and the thought makes me feel physically sick. Like I should throw myself into the canal and simply not resurface, purely from the shame of having nothing to show for my twenties except an alarming amount of Deliveroo receipts and Vinted parcels.

I can’t lie, it’s got me feeling a bit like Charlotte Lucas in Pride and Prejudice: “no money and no prospects.”

What I find so interesting is how, as a young woman, the pressure seems to have changed. When I was younger, it was about making myself attractive enough to find a partner, settle down and have a family. I’d romanticise frankly diabolical men just to fulfil the fantasy, only to be rejected so they could go running back to their ex.

Now, the rejection comes from potential employers who apparently see no potential in me.

Ironic, really.

Maybe that’s the real irony. We’ve spent years telling women they don’t need a man to make their lives meaningful, secure or successful. And thank God for that.

But somewhere along the way, independence started looking suspiciously like another impossible standard.

We don’t just need to be happy. We need to be driven. Financially independent. Active. And, ideally, somehow homeowners by 27.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to go back to being judged by whether a man wants me. I just don’t particularly fancy being judged by whether I’ve managed to build an impressive enough life without one.

So, no, I don’t want a boyfriend.

I want a pension.

Sources

• Office for National Statistics (2026).Population estimates by marital status and living arrangements, England and Wales: 2025. Published 31 July 2026. ONS

• Women’s Budget Group (2026).When one job isn’t enough: Young women and multiple jobholding. Research by Darja Reuschke, Tracey Warren and Emma Thackray, Universities of Birmingham and Nottingham. Women’s Budget Group

• Girlguiding (2025).Girls’ Attitudes Survey 2025. Research into girls’ and young women’s experiences, including social media and mental wellbeing. Girlguiding